A Reassuring Day, Yet A Sleepless Night...

The alarm rang and I pulled myself out of bed, I'm not much of a morning person--actually not a morning person at all, so I may have pushed the snooze button JUST once.  I put the coffee on, and packed her snack in her backpack before I started the dreaded walk down the hall to wake her up.  She takes after her Mommy and isn't very good with mornings herself.  This morning was different though, she awoke excited and happy.

After breakfast was finished and she was ready to go, Dad got out of bed and got ready to go too and all together we made the short walk down the hill to the bus stop.  It was chilly but the sun was shining and I could tell it was going to be a beautiful day.  After a short wait the bus arrived and she turned around for hugs with tears in her eyes. She climbed the steps with her cousin and they sat together, I was so happy she had someone with her, but I seen the tears start to flow anyway.

Had I made the right choice? Should I have went with her? My heart was heavy as the bus drove away.  How is it that we are given such a short time with our children while they are young, yet being adults lasts for so long?

I arrived at the school fifteen minutes early and stood and talked to the other parents as we waited for our children to be dismissed.  As I peak through the door I watch her be responsive to her teacher, and work well with the other children and I think to myself "maybe things will be okay after all."  I learned that she got to go inside each class on a search for a raccoon, and got cookies that he had left behind, and that the grade 7s have turtles, but she didn't like the bus ride, she likes school better.

I spent most of today, and obviously late into tonight wondering what is next for me, now that she's in school where does that put me?  I know that she needs me, and my job is far from over but can't help feeling sad and entirely unsure with what I'm supposed to do now.  I'm a big time planner, often organizing things weeks, sometimes months in advance, so the uncertainty isn't something I cope well with.  I need a plan... But Rome wasn't built in a day, and I'm not likely to solve all of life's mysteries in one either, so maybe my best bet is a good nights rest?

                     Momma's Lil Butterfly Princess in September of 2007 :)